i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
