I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
