The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
