I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
