I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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