I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
