Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
