theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
