I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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