Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
