Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
