i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
