i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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