She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
