My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
