No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
