for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
