I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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