I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
