Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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