And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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