it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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