the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
