Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
