More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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