Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
high people should be assigned attendants
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
