I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
