Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
