we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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