HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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