He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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