Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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