Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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