dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
