got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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