Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So much rum. So many feels.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
