The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
