You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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