I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't make out with my wife yet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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