Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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