At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
