My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
