Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
