I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my liver is dry heaving
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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