for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
