what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
