Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
