remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it glows. i had to have it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
