what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
