i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
