Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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