I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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